I will always remember a scythian empire
The hiatus from here has been long overdue, somehow it seems that the more eventfully purposeful my life has become i can’t seem to come here to tell and write to myself just how great life has been come 2010.
It’s apparent that my elation of utter intense happiness has emerged from me finally filling the only void in my life that i’ve whined about way too often, that’ i’ve probably will still take time to fully understand and appreciate. Even up till now i find it a little crazy, but i nowhere ashamed or afraid to say that i do think that i am in love and i’m just glad that its not a one way street down a long and winding road.
It’s hard to describe the refreshing energy that has been imbued into me over the past couple of months. I finally feel that satisfaction of accomplishment, of academic excellence, work satisfaction and of course personal fulfillment.It’s rather like i’ve grown satisfied to a point just above an apparent comfort zone, put it this way, i’m working and studying enough to feel pushed and stressed at times, yet there’s still a refuge of space for me to indulge in other preferences in life.
I’m also going to get a new tattoo.
Honestly i’ve deliberated about this for a long time, and to me it feels right to get it even though i’ve strayed far away enough from what i’ve been born and bred into. At least now i promise myself that i would go there once a month, not as any obligation towards it but rather it’s a small step in going back towards something i’ve left way too far behind.
When i look at it i just want it to remind me that no matter where i head, all the trials and tribulations i face, there will always be someone to watch and guide away from astray. The decisions i make are my own, but i appreciate the idea of someone i can turn to at the back of heart and in the depths of my mind.
With a conclude, life is good.
Add comment January 30, 2010
The airborne toxic event
Little wonders like your colleague popping up from the cubicle beside you, sticking a post it on your nametag and uttering you the words ” listen to this ” really makes life that little bit more brighter, chirpier and radiant to the point that i describe my feelings in such a way.
I think my new hobby is trading youtube-band links with my friends around me, there should be an occupation for that.
So today didn’t begin with a bang but it’s great to see everyone back in the dreaded reassuming of our uneventful but contented lives. Of course we never wanted the holidays to end and work is just going to start coming over in and again, yet i find comfort in knowing that i have much to look forward to in the impending weeks ahead, including trying to pocket $700 during the new year.
So here’s the airborne toxic event, like my colleague said they are probably the new wave of an ” underground ” band like how the Killers came out 6 years ago, the singer sounds so familiar but i just can’t lay a finger on who it is…
And i just got reco-ed this reworked classic, sometimes i wished i could sing like a black man.
I’m gonna try to start my signing off again.
Sometime around midnight
-Soapfat
Add comment January 5, 2010
Ideas of a subconcious nature
I sit here knowing it’s been a while since I’ve last wondered, perhaps pondered about anything aside from my own activities and perpetual happiness in the recent weeks. Fact is i’ve been too busy making up for lost time, making up for things i’ve never done and things i’ve never said. In some ways my words have been meant for someone rather then everyone.
So i guess it’s a welcome relief that i sit here with a tired body, limp lower regions and an unassuming soul just thinking. Thinking, writing and putting some serif to html with regards to the context of my inconsistently active mind.
I’ve learnt more about myself from the recap’s of stories about my life in the recent conversations i’ve had and that i guess, was my own personal form of fulfilment in knowing that i have made progress in moving on from all that has happened in the past, that in some essence i am so much more fortunate on a comparative scale and that my derivation of happiness from the similar ecstatic pleasure of others is something i yearn to achieve.
I can’t begin 2010(do we call it 0-10 ” OH TEN” ?)without resolving any remaining issues with ‘09 that has lingered, and it’s safe to say i leave it behind with many new experiences that i will never forget in time to come. ‘09 can be summed up in the ” Fuck it, do it “, which basically was my idea that nothing would ever happen if i just sat on my ass and wait for fate to be tried and tempted, that i could take a deep dark breath and put the lingering problem behind me and that every chance was probably an opportunity i could never pass up. I’m particularly glad that the last issue has probably given me the best thing that ‘09 has given, and that’s a new lease, outtake and perception of life and love’s sweeter allure.
In the end, the failures of my prospects and ambitions gave me an idea as to what i really want in life, or as I’ve said time and again,” what i do not want in life “.
I’m happy in a way that i am still looking to find exactly what i’m searching for, who i am and who i want to be, because it only goes to show how much more i have to learn from her, from life and from the people around me.
I welcome ‘10 not with total jubilation, but just the comfort in knowing that i’m at least starting it on the right foot that i do not have to bother about the basic consequence of necessity and that i have the time and purpose to achieve more in the 363 days that remain.
Add comment January 3, 2010
Reverse technology
High-def visual and pristine audio quality have been, and will continue to advance in the years to come. 3-D movies go on the cheap, graphic cards ain’t the price they used to be and we will actually pay $5k or more for a set of speakers.
But the curious case of human psychology is that, we are actually learning to become content with low-fi graphics, and low-grade audio thanks as much to technology itself.
We stream videos of anime, series and movies off the net without a care while youtube and other music sites have more or less become our main form of refuge for the lastest tracks that we crave for.
So for all the tech advancements that we can conjure up, its strange to see going towards that of a primitive form of sometimes vhs quality video and maybe not casette, but also definitely not cd quality audio.
Humans are weird.
Add comment December 30, 2009
The best thing out of almost nothing
More often that not, the reverse is true.
We hold the eternally impossible ambition that everything is going to work out, that the light is indeed at end of the tunnel, or the plain fact that we want the 5-year plan mapped out ahead of us. But the fact is that often we just disappoint ourselves, shoot ourselves in the foot and have everything we ever dreamed of come crashing down before us.
Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with this, mistakes are just tools for us to pick up on and learn to say fuck off to the problem at hand and move on.
The point i’m trying to make is, sometimes when we do not expect anything much out of a situation, it comes and evolves into something of a miraculous wonder, a plesant surprise and well, something that makes us think twice about just what we want in life.
I think i’m in that position now, because the past two weeks have passed by in a crazy blur, yet it has also seemed like it’s been forever.
Dude. i think i’m in love.
Add comment December 27, 2009
Ain’t no jolly old St Nick
I wonder where did all that spirit of Christmas go to, i lost it probably somewhere in between my virginity and a patella/ligament injury.
Sharing the same birthday as St Nick(a.k.a Santa Claus) really doesn’t cut it out nowadays, considering that the past 3 Christmases have been basically spent wallowing in self-pity, in and out of army, or just the bare fact that nothing or no one has bothered to really organise anything.
It seems that i have succumbed to the dreaded feel that Xmas is nothing more than a public holiday for me to sit back and relax, go to church for my quarterly trip down guilty lane and and wonder exactly when did all that excitement just fizzle out and fade away. Somehow it seems that being in the supposed righteous religion to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ is nothing but an obligation rather than a treat.
Truth is, i haven’t bought a Xmas present for anyone for say, the past 3 years. Yea not even my family, the family that used to come together to hang up the Xmas tree, dig up old remnants of Xmas lights that only had 60% of them working, the family that could never open the present until boxing day and the family that went for supper journeys after every midnight mass on X’mas eve. Somehow along the way practicality came in, practicality in the sense of buying a present just didn’t quite cut it out, especially if one will do nothing but leave it at a side after a while, we’d just become another lazy consumer in the bloated market of commercial success. See what life does to you
Maybe i need to go to New York, heck even Jerusalem to actually reignite whatever little passion i even have left for Christmas because it used to be my only solace save for Chinese New Year each and every year.
I don’t even hear an X’mas song in my head at the moment, the only Rudolph i saw was after some Happy Pizza in Vietnam and the only relation i probably have with St Nick is the ho-ho-ho of a belly.
Well. merry x’mas to anyone and everyone who actually celebrates it.
Add comment December 22, 2009
Wind and Cloud really didn’t cut it out
Every once in a while you get to experience something so drastically life changing that it leaves you totally speechless and perpetually dismayed for the rest of your life, somehow it makes you feel like you could vomit, have diarrhoea and h1n1 all at the same time. It’s one of those experiences that will always be lodged in the back of the never to be opened vault in your mind but in all unfortunateness, there will come and time when it comes back to haunt you.
It’s times like these when you sit back and realise that life is indeed worth living for, and you strive to make up for that 2hrs and $6 you lost along the way. It makes you wanna get up and see things in a different light, take a chance, take a dump or even listen to The Jonas Brothers.That’s what Storm Warriors a.k.a Feng Yun II did to me.
For me, it was a case of just reminiscing the 2hr drama version i watched on ch8 in the past, now back then, that was really cool, the swashbuckling effects and lame ass old storyline worked out well for the great drama. Seriously Aaron Kwok and gang should just be sued for tainting the name of such a legendary piec
e of chinese culture.
Some -ve pointers to note.
1.) It’s draggy, reaaally draggy. For a 1hr50min show, it seems like the script is all of 50 pages long, and each scene compromises of real cut short pieces of dialogue that are said in that whole immersive thinking way that emperors and old man kung fu masters do.
2.) The girls were redundant, their lines were basically. “Feng Da Ge” “Yun Da Ge ” and a few lines of like “ How are you ” “Why have you turned evil” “We must rescue him”. Seriously, it makes me wonder how did the audition even go. I bet i could write the script
Wind manages to counter Cloud’s dancing blade skill and blasts him with Ice Wind Sword into the background leaving him battered and bruised. Chun Chun arrives in the nick of time
Chun: Big brother Cloud, Big Brother Cloud what happend to you
Cloud: …….
Chun: Big Brother Cloud, Big Brother Cloud!!!
Chun Chun stands up to confront Wind
Chun: Big Brother Wind, have you turned evil? Why have you turned evil? Why? Why? Why….
3.) Nicholas Tse is downgraded to some gay looking son of the evil guy
4.) They effectively killed any remote solice of a storyline by cutting away into worthless fighting with no meaning. Dragon bone what happend to you?
5.) The ending, the ending, the ending. Officially most ” i want to make sure peopel come for the 3rd sequel ” ending in a movie. Period.
Seriously the show deserves a negative, everyone who was involved should just spend the rest of their lives giving back their time to the community just because it wasted everyone money and apparently not that bad of a life.
Another tainted and destroyed imagine of a favourite show of mine. Seriously, i need to stop watching adaptations.
Add comment December 16, 2009
No saturation in my punctuation
I think grammatically i’m fine, some mispelling in my sentences but i really wonder where all my punctuation went.
Add comment December 11, 2009
Almost always never there
Too many naps, too many panadol pills and flu medication is keeping me awake up till now.
The whole working on the subcultural theme project got me down to catching the film Almost famous just to get into the whole groove of background information and knowledge with regards to my presentation over the weekend.
The movie details the ride of a young journalist who follows an up and coming band ” Stillwater ” on their road tour. Laded with band-aids(groupies with a cause), the whole 70’s rock and roll endeavour of drugs sex and well, drugs and sex.
There are many notable quotes from the movie about the whole theme and concept behind the subcultures that were omnipresent in the past, such as Kate Hudson giving the impeccable line that goes something like.” We’re not groupies, we’re band aids, we really love the band and the music for what they are, you know we don’t just go around having sex with all these rockstars,you know… just blowjobs. ”
All these movies somehow make me wish that i wasn’t born in the era of technology, of anticipating people to comment on my status updates, have the compelling urge to like a comment, tweet about the meal i had, get distracted by the not too funny clip on youtube or just willow away into content that’s never been seen before by me.
Maybe i would like my information to be restricted in some communist sense of fashion, in that it isn’t widely available. Maybe i would like to hold in my hand a vinyl record and learn how to use a gramophone, but most of all i just think that i would really like to discover at some point of my life something that i could live for. You know a whole li
festyle that i could adopt in the near future that doesn’t withhold me to the limitations of my present and imminent future, something or someone that i can wake up to in the morning and know that i am part of. I would really like to be able to do something carefree, foolish even at this point of time and then look back on in with a laugh, a ridicule as my muscles give way to an overbearing beer belly when i turn 50.
Everyday i just feel like i’m living in a wrong part of the world, in the wrong time of reality.
That whole living for th
at lifestyle theme really puts in question to me my own concept of life and the future i am looking forward to, right now everything i do is done just for the whole fucking sake of it. Sake. Sake of what? A degree, the pay, or just the sake of not being a bum at home and a menace to society. It’s a question i pose to myself day in day out, to which the answer i can never look forward to.
Funny thing is that for all that i write, i’ll just wake up tomorrow morning to a ham sandwich, an overcrowded train, a distinct lunchtime and the ride back with the only solace being my ipod, the weekend and anything else that falls in between.
Welcome to my life and everything or rather the lack of anything that is about it.
Add comment December 11, 2009
The loss in ideology towards friendship
Pink flyod once said ” we’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year “.
Somehow it feels like me and the rocker just happen to be in that situation, living in a controlled world of our own while everything around us revolves in a continuous cycle.
Frankly and in all honesty, i do feel lonely now and then. Somehow when i do not get a message from a single friend for a day or two, it always makes me wonder just that i mean to them, how much they actually see me as a friend and whether the will even bother to hang out with me.
I’ll have to admit i’ve spent many lonely fridays and saturday in the comfort of my own home just plainly because no one asked me out and somehow it’s always a waiting game of wanting to be asked out first, rather than being the persistent nagger or bugger who people go out with out of nothing but pity.
Recent rainchecks from friends have also made this personal phenomena of a dilemma more eminent.
So it got me thinking about my situation, or rather a lack thereof of it. A girlfriend, a real actual girlfriend to which I’ve never really had the opportunity to acquire, desire and sing ” come on baby light my fire ” to. I take a look at myself and i know a few things.
1. I’m not ugly, but neither am i dashingly good looking
2. Maybe not everyone approves of my ludicrous behaviour at times, but there are some who really appreciate it
3. Conversation wise i would give myself a 7/10. Seriously i do think that i ain’t too bad.
So then and there belies the question by which i have yet to find the answer to. I’ve been on more dates, had more potential moments, had my own little fun but have yet to experience what it’s really like to have someone call you at 12 because she can’t sleep, that thinks about me because i’m that special to her and wants to go out with me every weekend just because she appreciates my company.
And i really wonder if this results in me always approaching a new date, a new meetup with nothing but the ideology of a little fun or even a potential relationship behind it. In other words i flirt at every opportunity, if i deem it possible.
But more often that not most attempts end in nothing but a forgone conclusion, or an apparent interest that just fizzles out over time. I can look back and blame countless factors towards an unwanted reasoning but the fact still remains that the issues are with me and myself alone.
It also seems like any and every girl i was ever close to back in poly just seems to move on while i’m stuck in a rut, now back then i could count on them to be friends to me, nothing more and nothing less. But it seems that once i stepped out of that whole schoolife balance nothing ever seems to be the same.
So where does this take friendship with a member of the opposite sex? When i turn back and see there really isn’t someone new i’ve met outside of poly that i haven’t had at least some form of interest in, safe for colleagues and friends of friends. Somehow it seems like i’ve reached a point in my life where perhaps it becomes near impossible to just sit down with a new girl, have a beer or two, eat some naan and drink teh without any strings attached, without any forms of evil thoughts rummaging through my mind. To basically just have a girl as a friend friend rather than something else.
I wonder if i will ever be able to find someone who will be able to do that with me, because truth be told those that i knew could have just moved on and though life goes on, you sometimes just want to sit back and wonder just what may have happened if i just said something earlier.
Add comment December 10, 2009
