Posts Tagged Karma
Karma. Cause and effect
Karma. The principle of cause and effect
The principle simply described as ” do not unto others that which you would not have them do unto you “.
Somehow i think it’s biting back at me.
For too long i have been stuck in my own little pompous dickhead world where i felt that the world owed me something, that i was meant to be somebody and that everyone who had a certain disability or lack of capability was meant to be looked down upon. Whether it was an ITE student, any old bum who just didn’t have any ambition in life or the irritating tiongs that dominated my 72 bus ride to poly in the past.
I loathed these people, i loathed the government and prided my opposition ward, i loathed just that Bangalahs/Indians and the way the smell, i loathed the tiongs for what they brought to spore, i even loathed charity programs for the disabled/autistic because i felt that everything was so fake and unfortunately i have to admit, that some of them just didn’t deserve it.
i loathed the people that made my life miserable in one way or another, the person that stole something away from me, that sent me into OCS, that sent me to that damned unit.
Somehow i always felt that i had to be conniving, evil and dictorial in order to succeed in the world. That i was the next Tyler Durden. 
I envisioned myself to perhaps be some marketing/advert/events guru in the future that had to backstab with bloodshed his way up to the top, i dreamt of all the misendeavours that i wanted to achieve and the people i had to take down along the way.
Yes at some point in my life i thought i was like Neo, the One, the one who was meant to destroy everything to get to the top.
Change
I wouldn’t say that i had an epiphany, a thought provoking dream that changed me all of a sudden. I wouldn’t even say that the change in me has been totally noticeable and white light enlightening, because i believe in my own morals and my character, and changing it totally will only be a disrespect to myself and the people around alike.
Like for my examples on Bangalah’s/Indians earlier, i would say that my many forays into Little India/Mustafa Centre with Desker Rocker has enlightened me on the cultures and lifestyles that these people lead by. I have enjoyed many a naan, found good discounts, weave into traffic like they do and seen them in a new light and how they teach me to be content with life.
And for me, i’ve stopped getting myself worked up over all the recent gahmen misendeavours, politics and whatsoever. Not only because i can’t do anything about it, but because i’m thankful for where i am and placing so much hate and thought into issues that can never be changed only makes you hate life even more.
To me, and i’m not ashamed to say this, i’ve only really come to realise this somewhere around December last year, back when i was at my worst.
To me the past few months, and even now have been bad, terrible, horrendous to the point where suicide actually crossed my mind often at times. Depression was seeping in and out like a punctured lung trying to inhale and many a time i felt like i couldn’t breathe, that it would have been better to just let it all go way.
It really has been the accumulation of having real good talks with people you’re close with,having a simple tea with them or reconnecting over experiences that you shared with them, and how even after all this time you can still simply talk for hours on end and relate to each other.
It’s also about watching more meaningful films and learning from books as well, and opening your views to that of others.
It’s also been about listening to music that actually makes u sit back and think, examinig the lyrics and concepts behind songs, getting new songs and artists going in your head and having that breath of fresh air back into your life.
Having the quiet lonesome night with a cigarette has also proved to be indifferent, many sit back and wonder kind of nights that really makes u wonder what u want out of life.
I can’t remember when it was, but probably the start of the new year where i vowed to myself that only i could make things better for myself, and to me that first meant making things better for others as well. For once i thought that Karma was indeed getting back somehow, and that i’ve only myself to blame for the situation that i’m in now.
So i decided to well, be nicer to people around me.
No i have not gone onto Wild Africa Savannah rescue missions, but i’ve started out firstly by being nicer to people around me, stopping discrimination, stopping my attempt at being immortal and almighty and having peace with myself and the world in general.
Call it Karma or not, i really now firmly believe that we only get what we do to others in return and i think it is something i’m going to grow to live by.
Elbow-Switching Off
You live, you love, you choke, you burn
-Soapfat
2 comments February 22, 2009
