Posts Tagged Life
Relation between my weight and my work
I think everyone i’ve known has had to bear the brunt of me proclaiming that i am fat, while others seek the opportunity to mock me because of it, and its fine because i appreciate humour in the form of facts.
Sometimes i really wonder though just why i lament on it. Aside from the mockery, i think my issues were that when i was fit, i felt fresh, i felt accomplished, basically good and positive about myself. Also it probably was at the point of my life when i felt that everything i did was a new experience, a different adventure and that success from tangible results were actually availably viable.
So perhaps its with little wonder that in the current rut of a supposed career i’m stuck in, do i see my weight as an issue to tackle. I’ve never believe in dieting to an extreme, but eating in supposed moderation so as to not grow to a Jabba the Hut proportion. It’s been tough cutting back on the beer, not because i;m an alcoholic(rather far from it), but it sometimes is really just a psychological form of relaxation that puts anything that you ever worried about, just tucked away for a while.
I do not really worry what i write here because i have only 5 page views on a daily basis, so i’ll say it without any pretence.
I only came into the job because i felt it was reasonable enough to experience, the pay was good and it gave me the freedom to appreciate studies, life and everything else in between. But living in a world where success is a measure of well, success, Its hard to keep oneself motivated to move on when there really is nothing to head towards in the first place.
An incident of a total lack of respect as a human being last week left my fuming internally, and just confirmed my points and views of the limitations and intangibility of what we know as a ministry. Even now i still seethe at what happened, to be treated as just another pawn on the chessboard, an excess material that is up on a 90% sale.
Yet for all that has happened,i still feel concerned about my studies in this paper-dependent universe, that i may have to give up the freedom and excitement that i have in my current relationship.
At some point i will have to outweigh whichever works out for the better.
I thought i could subject myself to the layman’s way of a life, that i could see work-life balance as something to cherish. But if life were really that simple, i wouldn’t even have a thought to deliberate about.
how do you have motivation in a place thats void of it
I pity myself for overexamplifying the context of what i do because basically i think its pathetic.
To my solace, i vow to mildly-actively look for something else to really succeed and further myself in whilst containing myself in the cubicle overlooking the streams of tourist and unmotivated workers alike.
I just don’t want to be suckered in and mocked just because of irrelevant qualifications.
I haven’t said these words in a long time and i know that i have only myself to dig myself out of this, i know i’ve done it before and i can do it again, but sometimes one really just needs a little luck, a little saviour.
Save me.
Add comment March 11, 2010
Ang Kong Ai Mai?
About 11months ago to this date, i landed back on our sunny little island, the trials and tribulations of a 5 week unwanted internship in Taiwan finally over.
Freedom finally came into sight, it lingered in the air and infected me with a desire i had been longing for every since day one of your longest form of Community Service.
This was perhaps one of the main catalyst and desire for me to get my first tattoo.
See, i wanted something that symbolised my new start towards life, yet it also had to be a cornerstone, a foundational pillar of the values that i held on to.
I rummaged through songs and artistes, listening to songs and interviews, reading forums and googling everything random thought that fell into place. Yet, cliche as it may sound, one really only needs to look at himsef, in his own backyard to find the answer to what he’s been looking for.
My star sign.The Sagittarius.
I’m not a believer in the horoscope, like my partner should be a virgo, or that i should avoid Taurus’ and Capricons’ for the next two months. Yet i’ve always been happy to have been a Sagittarius in one way or another, so i took a look at what a Sagittarius stood for.
Freedom. Expression.
Freedom to me has always been something i’ve believed in, whether it was serious topics like religion, the matter of expressing yourself and making your views known. In a way the need for freedom has also taught me to able to respect the freedom and views of others, and in some sense that has made me grown more open-minded, less arrogant and perhaps being a happier person.
Expression is just something that comes in tandem with freedom.
So with really pathetic photoshop skills, i just went about searching for a best artist sketch or image of my Sagittarius and came back with this.
To me it was perfect, it wasn’t a big fat ugly centaur that one normally associates. To me it seemed elegantly poised and was just what i wanted.
After careful consultation and consideration from experienced tattoo friends, and waiving away all protest from the parents and other non-supportive people, i ended up at Alive Tattoo at the Central, based on a recommendation.
So in a mini Miami-Ink fashion i handed the image over for the tattoist to sketch and headed for a bite with my friend as we both waited nervously, somehow i felt that she was the more nervous party as compared to me.
The guy wasn’t the best of sketchers, too many Miami Ink and expecations perhaps, but somehow i had a belief that everything would go swell.
As i seductively took my top off to the disgust of my friend, and hear the razing sounds of the drill getting warmed up i took a deep breath and winced a bit as the first of a million pins of the needle etched the image into my skin.
In all honesty, the pain and the process is what really cements one’s ideaology and purpose in getting the tattoo in the first place. And as sadsitic as it may sound, i actually enjoyed the whole process of the pain as it just made me more appreciative of the whole idea of my Sagittarius.
And whatever people say, be it positive or negative feedbacks of the ink that you’ve gotten,just remember the message behind what it stands for, because in all honesty that’s why you got one in the first place.
Maybe in time i will get one that reminds me of someone, or something along the way, an event that shaped me or a line the i believe in.
Truth be told it’s addictive, i don’t think one ever stops at just getting a single tat. But i’m going to hold firm to my beliefs in only getting one that provides a sense of affirmation along the way.
So whether it’s an image that marks you as a member of a syndicate.
A readhing, proverb, lyric or line that you feel revolves around your life.
Or just an object, a sign, a design that you feel beautifies your body and amplifies your beliefs.
It’s something that should be thought about seriously, and something that all tattoo owners should respect.
I’ll only get my next one when i feel i’m ready for it, when perhaps something really definitive happens in my life once again.
I am the eggman, i am the walrus
-Soapfat
Add comment April 6, 2009
My-any vice.
Up till 18 i never thought i would dare try any of the vices. Smoking, drugs, pot, K, you name it.
I’ll always remember my BMT mate offering me 50 for a pack of marijuana, but i luckily refused for fear of the infamous random urine test.
I have actually vowed in my life that i would defnitely try one or a few of these vices. Cocaine, marijuana, E and my green fairy absinth. Just because life is too short to be too cautious and also because i’ve watched too much Guy Ritchie films, Eurotrip and Anthony Bourdain(For the Absinth).
Rolling back the times, and the reasons as to why we actually call these items vices of ours.
Back in sec school, there was always a scary old nurse that visited us during assembly yearly to warn us of the dangers of smoking, and another on and STD’s. Showing us freaky pictures of caulliflowered penises and tar pool lungs. Constable Acai’s would also come on hand with ex-drug offenders to preach to us the dangers that is drugs.
In some sense i was always freaked out by that, seeing the death penalty for drug trafficking here. I was always the one who shunned away from the ah beng smokers in my school and would never dare stand so close to someone who breathed that deadly sinful stick.
And then when i struck 18, i went to Zouk, under the influence of a dear much older friend of mine.
After downing a Graveyard( my tag for worse drink ever), my fren whipped out the familiar Marlboro pack that i have seen many a time. And i took one in.
At first it was gross, and that’s without me even breathing the smoke in. I belched, i coughed, i just went to puke my guts out. It was gross, disgusting, and uncomfortable, yet i felt a sense of accomplishment by taking it in the first time.
One thing led to another, and it became my constant companion whenever there were any drinks as well, i still held my own though and limited myself to only a couple or more each time. Sharing my ciggaretes whenever possible.
It actually felt better to have it once in a while, once in a month. Cause thats when the kick actually came in.
Back then i could actually feel that sense of a quick fix when i inhaled a menthol, that sudden surge in neurological senses in your brain, the closure of your eyes and that relaxation you feel when you exhale. Surreal.
Although the army recently up my intake due to the complete boredom and pressures that is outfield, i’m still very much able to appreciate a smoke, rather than make it a habit.
I admit that i’m a social smoker, and in some sense i like being so.
Smoking has made me realise more about the world, i’ve had conversations with people at random over the most interesting things, had introverted friends confide in me over a smoke and of course have had many a ” give a light ” to a hot chick on occasion.
I guess what i’m saying is that smoking has given me the opportunity to see beyond people and the first impression, that it has made me realise that there’s more to a person than what you see on the forefront, and it’s perhaps a tool by which people become more open and expressive in one way or another.
It’s also opened my mind to getting my first tattoo, trying out a new drink or a new direction, listening to a new band and doing things that i never thought i would imagine.
So what’s the perfect smoking scenario?
A kilkenny in hand.
Ice Menthol mint in another.
Lying half naked across the cold comforting sand, under a crescent moon with not too many stars in the sky, and the rocking waves echoing closer each time.
Hopefully with a special someone beside.
we should all learn to love one another before it’s made illegal
-Soapfat
2 comments February 13, 2009
